Jup

    That fucking annoying song by Adele is stuck in my head, they play it all the time on the radio. It's weird though because I actually liked it with Lea and that guy sung it on Glee last night. I just don't like Adele's voice that much, it seems so fucking shaky and vibrato-esque. Oh wells. I got that award for art today. (:]]) Fucking excited about it too because I've never gotten an award before, just ind of odd to me that it's for art since I feel I'm not the greatest at it, but whatever.
    Totally just lost my train of thought. (lol) I had a dream this morning, when I fell back asleep, that my boyfriend was or had turned into a cute little puppy. We were with his mom and step-dad, doing something I can't quite recall, and he was trying to get onto my lap, I just felt so much love for him in the dream. Like I was actually with him... It was really nice, and it wasn't weird that he was a puppy because I could still see his beautiful face behind the cute, tiny puppy exterior. I love him and all, I just wish I could feel that breathtaking, strong love i get when I'm with him, when I'm not actually with him. Kind of want to ask if he feels the same, but what would I say if he didn't?

Fluke ☄

Awesome Quote of the Day- "You don't have to do anything except die and pay taxes." -Mrs. Mahlandt (Senior year English Teacher)

Love...

    Aand I know my ABC's... But on a more serious note, I'm fucking tired of being tired. It's fucking tiring. I had a short and sweet interview earlier at this pizza place, and I might get the job so that's cool beans. Fucking hate that phrase by the way, I just felt like it sounded right at the end of that. I had a bit of a breakdown last night after I talked to my boyfriend. It's happened before but I figured once I had a boyfriend it would stop. The thing is, I'm bisexual, and I know that's like the smallest deal ever, but sometimes I get these weird feelings that I'm actually a lesbian. God, I feel like I'm fucking confessing. Just thinking about it makes me really emotional. I really love my boyfriend, and would never want to hurt him, I guess I'd just have to find out the hard way, if I am or not. Probably sounds really stupid, it makes sense in my head though so that's all that matters. Only thing is, what if afterwards, I still feel like that? I feel like I should talk to him about this but that's probably not the best idea in the world right now. I don't know what to do, this is seriously eating at me and I just want to find out, but I don't want to cheat. Feel terrible for even writing the word cheat, so obviously I'm not going to. I guess only time will give me the answers. Just wish next Friday would come faster...

Fluke ☄

Blondie

    I'm tired; at least I'm in a good mood, though. I heard this absolutely amazing song earlier on the radio that made me actually stop driving so I could just listen. Figured out a little bit ago that it's called Growing Old is Getting Old by Silversun Pickups. Fucking fantastic song. 'Nough said. Anyway, like I said: I'm tired, so no, I'm probably not going to write that much tonight. Kind of want to start reading Moby Dick but I'm not all too sure that we have it. I've never read it before strangely enough, since Matilda read it when she was a toddler... I'm going to cut this short because I need to take pictures soon and I don't know what else to write at the moment... Saw this really cute guy I went to Elementary School with, at this Italian restaurant I applied at earlier; he's blond. I don't know why but I kind of love blond guys, not that I don't love my boyfriend, he would look odd with blond hair, but hey I'm a human being. I can't like blonds? Pshh.

Fluke ☄

Ja

    (:D) I'm really hyper because I just played with my grandma's cute as hell, 5lb, Yorkie. A bit ADD right now so excuse me while I calm the fuck down. Holy shet balls. Okay... Still hyper but in a more calm way. As you may know already, I got kind of drunk last night, not going to talk about it much except for the fact that whenever I drink I always end up feeling like I'm punishing my brain. Some people may know what I mean by this, but then again most people that get drunk, aren't that bright. Whenever I'm trying to fall asleep after I've drunk a bit, I feel like my brain is swimming, sometimes, such as last night, I even give it its own persona, it kept saying, "Why did you do this? Why must you drink like you doooo?!" (>:]) You have to imagine it in a funny voice, I don't drink that much, and I'm also a bit of a light-weight, so yeah... I just always feel horrible trying to fall asleep whenever I drink, unless of course, I pass out; and sometimes feel bad for my brain. Even though alcohol probably doesn't affect it the way I'm talking about.
    In other news, Happy Mother's Day. I went to Cheddar's earlier with my mom, brother, and my brother's boyfriend. I had this fucking amazing sandwich type thing. Yes, I ate... I'm not even going to try to explain what this thing was, it was so good, I'll give the name and if anyone just happens to stumble across this thing, run out to your local Cheddar's restaurant and get one. It's called a Monte Cristo, and it's the best thing you'll ever, in your fucking life, put into your mouth. On the downside, it's also really fattening and greasy, but it's so fucking worth it, man. Sooo.. not really sure what else to say; I brought home leftovers and now they're all I can think about... (0:])

Fluke ☄

Skyy

    Did you know I could get your heart racing in my skintight jeans, and be your teenage dream tonight? Yeah, that songs stuck in my head. fuckin' blows... Well I kind of like it, but i could do without it at the very same time. I'm a bit tipsy; not full on spinning room drunk but yeah... Almost!! (xD) Sooo... Feel like my boyfriends mad at me, but whatev. not even because of my drinking, just because I've fallen asleep before we got the chance to talk like 4 times in one week. boo hoo, makes up for all the times he's done it, except in a closer or shorter period of time. I've had like two shots of awesome vodka tonight plus2 screwdrivers, my typing skills may not be the greatest in the world but hey, I'm writing in this thing at least once today like I promised. I ate today. againn... but I think I'm gonna start fasting for REAL tomorrow. again. Really really hope it works out. lotta fucking typos.. wtfever, i wanna talk to my boyfriend but hes with freidns, he'd probably be pissed off if he realised i was drunk-ish. whateveer. I'm about to watch airplane. Does anyone know any good movies to watch if yuo're drunk? Curious... lol I don't even know if anyone reads this, don't really care if just a a thingy..lol Hope you all have a nnice night.. god I might not even watch airplane, theres too many parts of that movie that i dislike... just watever. Night all.

Fluke ☄

Random Sleepy Almost-Drunkness

    I'm fucking tired. 'Tis a rather lame Friday night, not doing anything; kind of want to drink some Skyy but I don't want to get up to get it because my god forsaken flip flops practically ruined my feet. God, Vodka would be nice right now, I just want to be extremely disoriented for some reason. I applied for a job thing at this restaurant/bar type deal earlier and all the waitress' looked like Hooter's girls, not sure I'd fit in. Much shorter than most of them and I have a solid 32A rack planted on my chest. Sooooooo tired, holy fuck. Oh, apparently I'm getting this award thing from my school next wtf... Whenever the fucking 10th is. It's an award for Art, surprisingly enough, I guess it's for maintaining one of the highest grades in any art class I've had all 4 years, I'm sharing it with some other girl, though they didn't tell me who. It's weird because I feel like I suck at drawing most of the time, especially when there are actual artistic people all over that damn school, I'm just artistic in different ways. Like writing... although maybe not as much when I'm tired. Whatev, just want to talk to my boyfriend then sleep. Also want to learn bass... I don't know why, I've just wanted to for like ever, it just sounds fucking boss. Anyshway, have a good, drunken night, whoever you are.

Fluke ☄

Better Imagery

    I fucking ate today. I keep promising to myself that I'm going to fast until I lose enough weight so that I can feel comfortable looking at myself in the mirror, but I keep breaking the promise. I'm not even that fat, I just have these areas of my body I'd appreciate more if they were slimmer. Pretty sure I'm already a bit underweight according to some BMI charts, since the ones I've seen vary, I'm not sure. I'm exactly 5ft, and my weight, over the past few days, has been tottering from 99.8-101.4 lbs. you do that math.
    Maybe if I write about it on The Daily Jizz it'll help me subconsciously remember not to eat. It really is a one day at a time thing, if you're reading this right now and don't approve, like I've said before there are other things to read online, don't scold me. I know it's not the healthiest thing in the world, but oddly enough, most of the time I feel better when I have that little pang of hunger at the back of my throat, or wherever it emits from. I just want to be as light as I look, even my boyfriend has said "I'm heavier than I look," though I know he was joking somewhat, I felt a bit like a hippo afterwards. I've even made this fucking character before named Ana Sparx, Ana being short for anorexic, as a little helping hand to stop me from eating because I didn't want to tell anyone about this. Didn't work out too well. God I'm sick of writing about this. Hopefully just what I've mentioned above will be enough to give me the willpower to stick this out until I'm at my goal shape, I'd say weight but I really don't care how much I end up weighing. I just want to love my body.
    Now that I'm done whining... (xP) I felt oddly more confident today than I normally do, just because of the shirt I wore. And the jeans, I suppose, those are cute too. The shirt I wore today had Pacman ghosts on it, and it's close fitting, ironic I guess, but I look really good in it; it's seriously one of my favorite shirts now, I actually had a dream about a shirt with these little ghosts on it a few weeks before I found the actual shirt so I was fucking psyched. (^.^)
    Not much else to write about, really, still trying to find a job, which is fucking hard if you have no experience, almost want to check out strip clubs, but you'd kind of have to be half naked so that wouldn't work out too well with me at the moment. One of the main reasons I want a job is so I don't have to ask for money, I fucking hate doing that, it just makes me seem like I'm not trying to look for work even though I am. I want to see my boyfriend next weekend except he lives out of town and I barely have the money to put half a quarter of gas and my moms car. Yes, I have no car, I'm not exactly the most privileged bitch on Earth, but hey I do ok. Most of the time I don't usually want anything so I don't ever notice that I might need to save any money I come across to do things I might want to do in the future. Fuck if I'm thinking about it now. (>.<)

 Fluke ☄